Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Thursday, June 18th, 2026 - 8:07 AM
Outside the Colosseum on a cold and misty morning, sits what can only generously be described as a stage. A folding table, a milk crate, and a microphone duct taped to a broom handle. Standing proudly behind it all is "Facetious" Franklin Fredrickson. A cardboard sign hangs behind him, swinging in the raunchy Philadelphia wind.
FACETIOUS FRANKLIN'S RUMOR MILL
A crowd of six or seven people has gathered, chattering amongst themselves. Franklin looks out at the gathering mass, and appears thrilled.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Good morning Philadelphia!"
One guy claps. Franklin points down at him and nods.
Franklin Fredrickson: "That's my target demographic right there."
The man nods shyly, clearly not expecting to be called out. Franklin clears his throat.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Six days removed from Golden Intentions and the biggest question in CWF remains unanswered."
Dramatic pause as the crowd sits in the palm of the Facetious One’s hands.
Franklin Fredrickson: "How in the world did Caledonia accidentally eliminate MJ Flair after spending over forty minutes trying NOT to eliminate MJ Flair?”
The crowd of almost ten people now chuckle along.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Think about it. MJ returns…huge moment. The crowd appeared to be monkeys they were going that bananas. She helps Caledonia throughout the whole rumble…then suddenly friendly pat on the back? IDONTTHINKSO! Boom, eliminates Mr. Daniel.”
A pause as a speeding car flies by.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Which is going to make their next family reunion just a TAD awkward."
A few laughs. Frankie continues on.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Then five minutes later Caledonia eliminates MJ."
Franklin shrugs.
Franklin Fredrickson: "I don't know. Maybe that's just Highlander foreplay."
Franklin nods proudly, he definitely heard some laughs there.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Meanwhile Danny B wins Golden Intentions."
The crowd applauds.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Congratulations to Ripper. First ever two-time winner."
Crickets.
Franklin Fredrickson: "And now apparently he's being stalked by some movie producer with a porcelain face."
Franklin squints into the distance, as if talking to Ripper himself.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Danny, buddy, hear me out. Take the movie role."
He points toward the Colosseum.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Worst case scenario, you get rich."
Frankie rubs his fingers together to signify the “money” sign.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Best case scenario, Alabaster Enders turns out to be the serial killer everybody already assumes he is and you get another comeback story out of it."
The crowd laughs.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Speaking of comebacks, did anybody else notice half the rumble looked like a class reunion?"
He begins counting on his fingers.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Angelica. Shane Donovan. Jace Valentine. Amber Ryan. Mia Rayne."
Another finger.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Mia Rayne again."
The crowd looks confused.
Franklin Fredrickson: "What? Loki Synn counts too."
A woman in the crowd nods.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Exactly."
He continues.
Franklin Fredrickson: "At one point I thought somebody was going to wheel Chris Andrews out there and announce it was Legends Night."
More laughter.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Then you've got the Anderson boys."
Franklin shakes his head.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Billy and Tyler remain living proof that participation trophies can become sentient."
A loud laugh comes from the back, bringing a point down from a proud Franklin.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Thank you, sir. Somebody finally said it."
He flips a page in his notebook.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Ozric Mortimer is back too."
Franklin pauses for full effect.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Now listen. I mean this respectfully."
Another pause.
Franklin Fredrickson: "That man looks like a clown escaped a funeral home."
The crowd erupts.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Every time Ozric appears somebody either dies or gets traumatized. Sometimes both."
Franklin flips another page.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Mark Carlton."
He leans into the microphone.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Are you still a vampire?"
Silence from the Philadelphia crowd. Franklin shrugs.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Important question."
Franklin points dramatically.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Because if the answer is yes, I think you and Azrael Caduceus could save a fortune by sharing a crypt."
Big round of applause! It’s working, he’s doing the damn thing!
Franklin Fredrickson: "And Esmeralda Von Krauss watched the whole World Title Match from ringside, and actually got away with it! No joke, that's just impressive! Can I buy you a drink later? I don't even care if you kill me afterward, not like I haven't came back to life before..."
A few awkward laughs from the Philly fans.
Franklin Fredrickson: "John Obvious was also in the rumble."
He puts his right hand out in the air as if to tell the crowd to “wait for it”.
Franklin Fredrickson: "I don't really have a joke there."
Still waiting.
Franklin Fredrickson: "I just figured it'd be obvious he'd show up."
Groans as the Philly crowd begins to turn. A completely obvious Franklin beams, not noticing at all.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Thank you."
He straightens his jacket.
Franklin Fredrickson: "And finally, Wrestle Fest V."
The crowd quiets.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Gordy King versus Danny B."
He whistles.
Franklin Fredrickson: "One guy spent years carrying CWF on his back."
He waves a finger.
Franklin Fredrickson: "The other guy spent years reminding everyone about it."
The crowd laughs.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Either way, somebody's walking into Wrestle Fest with a massive chip on their shoulder."
He taps the microphone.
Franklin Fredrickson: "And if we're lucky, they'll hit each other with it."
The crowd actually gives him a decent round of applause. Franklin looks genuinely touched as he tries to fight back a tear rolling down his cheek.
Franklin Fredrickson: "Wow…twelve people now."
He places a hand over his heart.
Franklin Fredrickson: "This is the biggest crowd I've had since I died."
The applause continues, most of them just wanting to get the hell out of there. Franklin takes an exaggerated bow. The microphone immediately falls off the broom handle and smacks him in the foot.
Franklin Fredrickson: "SON OF A…"
The feed abruptly cuts.